Archives: July2010

• Have suitcase, will travel

  This morning I was thinking about one of  last years travel adventures.  I arrived at the hotel late, they did not have my reservation for that night, only the next day.  (Arrangements were supposed to be made by someone else, who were actually paying for my room).  Of course I had to pay for the room, and of course it was at a higher rate than quoted on the reservations… I was highly annoyed…  but after a long trip I [...]

• Time for a support group

  Clarity…
  It really isn’t about how big my breasts aren’t… it is that the difference in the size of my breasts now to what they were prior to cancer surgery is a constant reminder that I HAD cancer.  I do not need to go thru additional risks and surgeries to increase the size of my foobs (fake  boobs), I need to get to a cancer support group.
  It slows time; it creates fear; it causes intense self-examination.
  It can be isolating, and it always [...]

• A new day

  Today I feel a little better… I have been working on a Santa window… and the good news is his nose DOESN’T look like male genitalia…. for all of you who paint with me regularly… you understand…. perhaps its because I have forgotten what it looks like?  rolling eyes.
  Thanks for the well wishes & prayers… This too shall pass.   Having Tomato soup with chunks of cheddah for dinnah.. and what else? grilled cheese….

• What is is…. An emotional day

  Sometimes as hard as you try to accept things as they are, you just aren’t ready.  Sometimes as grateful as you are for things, the disappointment that you feel inside is hard to hide from others.  You put a smile on your face, you show grace on the outside but inside the tears are streaming down  your face and you want to run and hide, bury your face in a pillow, a blanket and let it all out.  This is [...]

• Crystal Balls & fortune telling

  I always thought that I would like to know what my future holds. Visits to psychics, daily reading of horoscopes were “clues”.  As I aged (and my waist grew wider and boobs grew longer…  I became grateful for NOT knowing what was going to happen in my life.    If I were told that some of the more tragic things were going to happen in my life  why would I have wanted to go on?  What would have given me the courage, [...]

• Afraid to dive….

  July 27th will mark one year since my bilateral mastectomies.  I am still going thru reconstruction.  I have taken a couple months off all of it to sort of “adjust” and determine how I really feel about the “new me” before continuing onto revisions and nipple reconstruction, and also allow myself emotional healing time.  Taking this time was a good choice for me.
  I am still not thrilled with the new me.  I have determined that I am an “a” cup.  [...]

• Picket Fences

  I was one who had the traditional fairy tale with the white picket fence.   A handsome husband, cottage style home a couple kids, happy home, so much love, flower gardens, stability, security and more.     The handsome husbands came and went, the cottage style home, well… I thought I had to have a husband in order to have a home, the day that I closed on my house and bought out my ex husband was one of the proudest days of my [...]

• Pigtails are for grownups too!

  Who says 48 year old’s can’t wear pigtails?   Okay, so I won’t be putting on the brown bikini  made of hankerchiefs that my mom made me and that I wore all summer as a kid…. I’d have to hand out too many barf bags… but pigtails?? Who cares?  I figure my breasts are now about the size they were when I used to wear pigtails…. so why not????   When was the last time you wore pigtails?  Or put your hair [...]

• 4th of July, 3rd Birthday, 60th Wedding Anniversary…and a reunion of best friends….

  On July 4th I traveled to Missouri to spend a week with my best friend and her family on their summer vacation.  I had not seen her or her family in almost a year and a half since the last vacation we were on.  Much has happened in our lives  since then.  A year and a half has been too long, but will all that has transpired it has been quick, too.  If that makes any sense at all.   It was a [...]