Archives: April2010

• Ignorance & Anger

  Yup, another negative post.  Sorry.  Thank you for all who have messaged, called, etc.  This IS a hard time for me.  A very hard time.  I really appreciate your support.  I will get through this and yah I’ll be stronger for it…. how do you spell neanderthal?  rolls eyes
  I am starting to hit the anger stage of grieving.    This needs to happen but I’m finding that if I spend more time alone than with others, it’s much better for all of [...]

• Upcoming Magazine Articles

  Oct. 2010 issue of Painting Magazine (Fruit & Bleeding Hearts)
  Spring Edition Interactive Artist Magazine (coming out soon – Water Lily)
  Not sure when, but will be coming out in DecoArt Helping Artist Newsletter (Lighthouse)

• Grieving…

  My chest is heavy again, no longer from those awful iron turtle tissue expanders, but from a broken heart.  I went to bed last night with a 300 lb chest, woke up this morning with what felt like an added 100 lbs.  I want to be a positive person, and I think most times I am.  Today my heart is at war with reality.  This post will probably be sad, so if you don’t want to go there, stop now.  But [...]

• I am powerless over Alcohol (Step 1)

  One of the saddest and most difficult things for me to accept about loving an alcoholic is that you do not come first.  A friend and I were discussing this tonight.  Everyone who is close to me knows, by far, that Jim was the love of my life.  I cannot say the same about him because  he chose alcohol over me, over our life together.  His first “love” was alcohol.  Do I believe he loved me?  No doubt.    We had a nice life together [...]

• No more bandages, just scars

  Today I drove to Boston to get the bandages off my foobs and sides where the drains were.   My doctor is really pleased with how I am healing.  I am pleased.  After my plastic surgeon was done with pictures and left the room I sat there looking down at myself.  I walked over to the wall where the mirror was.  My doctor had pulled down a background screen for photos which had covered the mirror.  I raised that back up, and stared [...]

• Tidbets and thoughts on aging

  When I was a newlywed we had rented an apartment adjacent to the landlords.  One morning the Mrs came up to me and said “Would you mind moving your bed to another wall?”  Embarassed, red faced… Why of course!     Now some 30 years later I believe the same thing would happen, only this time because of my snoring!
  When I was 16 I thought I knew everything.  At 48, I wish I knew HALF, now, of what I thought I knew [...]

• In love with a binge drinker

  14 years earlier
  I strolled into work this day like usual.  Another day, another dollar… but something was different, I could feel it.   As I was making a floral arrangement I looked up to see someone looking at me.  Immediately my eyes focused on this man.  Beautiful red hair, blue eyes, tye dye socks, sneakers, and a string of hemp around his neck that held a green healing stone along with several other colorful beads.  .   He had the most welcoming, beautiful [...]

• I am your disease

  I AM YOUR DISEASE
  You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend
  Wishes of misery and heartache I send
  I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees
  I’m the devil inside you, I am your disease.
  I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul
  I’ll become your new master, in total control
  I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game
  Till your entire existence is crippled with shame
  When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise
  Quite often I’ll take [...]

• It’s over…

  I sat there staring at the computer screen.  He DIED?  He is dead? Denial takes over, No, No, No, it isn’t him.  I read on, the obituary verifying his childhood schooling, time served in the Navy and yet I still denied it.  For probably five minutes a war raged  between reality and denial.   Then I read his parents and brothers name as survivors. Oh my god, he died… This can’t be.  Tears streamed down my face at the speed of a [...]

• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall….

  Tax day…. God bless all of you who prepare taxes for others… as I know I’m not the ONLY procrastinator! 
  I have started having my breakfast outside, enjoying the cool spring morning weather and watching my dog roll on his back in the morning dew.  He LOVES getting his face wet. (Smiles)  I love this dog so much.  I look at him, and he takes my breath away.  He is beautiful outside, but I also know his insides…. He is such [...]