Categories: Journey through Breast Cancer

• Cancer Support Group, a funeral, and the unveiling of emotions

  Today I spoke with the facilitator of the Breast Cancer Support Group down at Cancer Connection in Northampton, MA.  I am joining this group.  I will not be able to attend for a couple of weeks due to my teaching schedule, but I plan to work my new schedule around this… I need this for me.
  I have read that it is very common to hit an emotional rollercoaster when you are almost through your treatment or finalizing your care.  I [...]

• What is is…. An emotional day

  Sometimes as hard as you try to accept things as they are, you just aren’t ready.  Sometimes as grateful as you are for things, the disappointment that you feel inside is hard to hide from others.  You put a smile on your face, you show grace on the outside but inside the tears are streaming down  your face and you want to run and hide, bury your face in a pillow, a blanket and let it all out.  This is [...]

• Afraid to dive….

  July 27th will mark one year since my bilateral mastectomies.  I am still going thru reconstruction.  I have taken a couple months off all of it to sort of “adjust” and determine how I really feel about the “new me” before continuing onto revisions and nipple reconstruction, and also allow myself emotional healing time.  Taking this time was a good choice for me.
  I am still not thrilled with the new me.  I have determined that I am an “a” cup.  [...]

• Pigtails are for grownups too!

  Who says 48 year old’s can’t wear pigtails?   Okay, so I won’t be putting on the brown bikini  made of hankerchiefs that my mom made me and that I wore all summer as a kid…. I’d have to hand out too many barf bags… but pigtails?? Who cares?  I figure my breasts are now about the size they were when I used to wear pigtails…. so why not????   When was the last time you wore pigtails?  Or put your hair [...]

• B is for Balance and K is for Kindness!

  So… I’ve made an appointment with my plastic surgeon to get back to my reconstruction.    I have been thinking about my “b” cups.  Formerly a C, promised a D, and now less than a B….  sighs.  B is for “Balance”.
  Ya know, I know that I can find peace with these little babies, I am NOT my breasts.  It is rather nice not to wear bras… its not so nice not to have cleavage.  But anyway, I’ve learned  that the human [...]

• Tired

  I have sat down to write several times and each time I have stopped.  Who wants to hear of MY woes?  Everyone has them.   The old adage “If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything” comes to mind… I try to be a positive person, I try to bring a smile to the faces of those I meet, to help others… the truth is right now I am tired, weary tired.   haven’t been feeling well for the past [...]

• Grieving…

  My chest is heavy again, no longer from those awful iron turtle tissue expanders, but from a broken heart.  I went to bed last night with a 300 lb chest, woke up this morning with what felt like an added 100 lbs.  I want to be a positive person, and I think most times I am.  Today my heart is at war with reality.  This post will probably be sad, so if you don’t want to go there, stop now.  But [...]

• No more bandages, just scars

  Today I drove to Boston to get the bandages off my foobs and sides where the drains were.   My doctor is really pleased with how I am healing.  I am pleased.  After my plastic surgeon was done with pictures and left the room I sat there looking down at myself.  I walked over to the wall where the mirror was.  My doctor had pulled down a background screen for photos which had covered the mirror.  I raised that back up, and stared [...]

• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall….

  Tax day…. God bless all of you who prepare taxes for others… as I know I’m not the ONLY procrastinator! 
  I have started having my breakfast outside, enjoying the cool spring morning weather and watching my dog roll on his back in the morning dew.  He LOVES getting his face wet. (Smiles)  I love this dog so much.  I look at him, and he takes my breath away.  He is beautiful outside, but I also know his insides…. He is such [...]

• A New Day….Never Never Never give up!

  My friend Maddy introduced me to this wonderful quote by Winston Churchill.