Wikipedia & Googlicious….

The past few weeks I have been enjoying Wikipedia.  Devouring bio’s, reading on my favorite artists, actors, writers, etc.  Just what did we do before the internet?  I remember the encyclopedias my parents worked many hours to purchase, the same ones my dad built a special bookcase for.  These books were not only an important tool for homework but also they were interesting, there was so much to learn from them.  Today all  I do is walk over to my computer google a name and sort through the massive results that are returned.

Have you ever googled your name?  I have!  (chuckling).  If I google Donna Scully I get 496,000 results.  Wow!  Of interest to me is that the first couple of pages were actually ME and they weren’t porn, wanted posters, arrest mug shots, and so on!  (KIDDING).    It’s interesting what you can find on the internet by googling your name.  For example…. a friend mentioning you on her blog… I wouldn’t say names as that would be indiscreet (SHELLY LANTHIER!) laughing hysterically here.  She mentioned that I’m always imitating my friend Nancy Dale Kinney Stout’s southern drawl… Why yes I am!  smirks.  Sometimes when I’m sitting alone in my humble abode working on a new design, feeling discouraged, or sometimes I’m just bored… whatever, I’ll google myself…   For me it can be  nostalgic, reminding me of my designing days in needlecraft, the first time I was ever published.  The first royalty check.  The magazine ads with Vanna White wearing my sweater designs…. and then I will find pictures on someones blog where they give credit to me as the designer and there is this beautiful painting they are proudly showing off.  THAT makes me smile, and reminds me of why I do what I do….  It may not be a parting of the sea, I may not be saving the world, but I do believe I touch people with my art, my writing, my teaching… and that usually fills me enough to go back and finish the design, or start anew.    It can serve as a progress report for me.

So many times I’m wondering if an actor is still alive (yes, i have reached that age where I can’t remember much!), so I just jump online and google the person…within seconds the answer(s) to my question(s) are right there in front of me.    It just amazes me how much information is available at our fingertips.   I am in awe of it all.

I have also found that the internet can also encourage isolation if we allow it.   We can spend hours, days, weeks and months online meeting new friends, hell I’ve been on Match.com… I’ve met dates on line!  There really is not much you cannot do or find online, however I think its important to note… there is still life outside of the internet.  A beautiful world filled with green grass, blue skies, oceans with strong undertows, sand that is waiting to work its way up between your toes or bathing suit bottoms, and human beings to look into their eyes as you talk to them, to reach across the table and touch their hand, caress their arm, their face…  Those are the very things and much more that you will never find on the internet….  We can find pictures of them, stories that will move us, but there is nothing quite like the real thing….

Grocery store gremlins

Today I ran into the local grocery store for a few items and was very pleased to find that it wasn’t that busy!  Bravo!  Still, with no major crowds to contend with, there were two very robust women who always seemed to be wherever I wanted to go.  Okay, let’s just flip my shopping around so I won’t have to keep running into them!  What a brilliant idea and resolution, I thought!   So I sprung ahead 4 or 5 aisles.  Guess what?   I shit you not, they showed up in the same aisle.  Ughh!  What bothered me about these women were certainly not their size, or anything like that, but the manner in which they shopped….. rudely!

When I go up and down the aisles, if I am looking at something I tend to pull my cart over to the side in case someone is trying to get by…you know, be considerate of others?   Not these gals, they just leave their cart in the center of the aisle… paying no mind to anyone else.  Okay, I can get past that, but what about when I’m standing looking at tomato sauces and one butts in front of me without saying excuse me, and just stands there and looks at the sauces herself?   Um, hello?  I am far from a small woman, and I’m almost 5′10″ tall, it is certainly not that she did NOT see me…  HELLO?  That really got on my nerves….  am I the invisible woman?     I take a couple deep breaths, ignore…. this is not going to ruin my day, I am not going to get upset over this….

Pleasantly I ran into a friend and we chatted for a few minutes, I thought surely I was in the clear upon checking out…  They HAD to have left the store by now!  I am piling my stuff on the counter/conveyor belt when I feel a cart smash into the back of my ankles…. I take a deep breath before I turn to see who did this.  I’m sure it was some kid that was helping his  mom and did not quite know how to judge the length of the cart…..  Nope… It is the two women whom I’ve been trying to dodge throughout the store.  I am livid.   If looks could kill one of them would have dropped dead, but the thing is?  They didn’t even KNOW they had run into me!  The cashier looked at me and shook her head, as I stood there rubbing my ankles to try to stop them from hurting.    I want to say something, but what good would it do?  They would probably not even “get” what I was saying, and would it be worth the aggravation to myself?  Still I had this anger inside of me…  My therapist whom I started to see to work out issues around cancer has told me I need to let out my anger, not hold it in…..

Being the calm, cool type of person who does not like confrontations I waited until their backs were to me, I grabbed their fresh loaf of bread, dropped it on the floor, stepped on it a couple of times, then returned it to their cart.  The cashier witnessed the whole thing and she couldn’t stop laughing at first.  She then composed herself because she was drawing the attention of people around us.  But she did smile at me the rest of the time, and when I was about to leave she winked and said “have a good day!”.   As the bagger put the last of my bags in my cart and I was strolling away I heard one of the women say “Hey, what the hell happened to the bread?”…. I left smiling. 

My momma always told me, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!  And my therapist will be so pleased to hear that I’m not keeping my anger locked inside of me!   grins….

My Walmart Story -All I wanted was service!

Jim & I had stopped into Walmart in Keene, NH for our normal supplies.   Being only weeks since losing my kid sister to cancer, I was deep into grief, no where near “myself”…   I headed for the fabric department to pick up some batting for a project I was starting and Jim took the cart as he kindly offered to gather all the household/animal/food stuff we had on our list.  Upon arriving in the department I noticed a woman my age and her daughter waiting for service.  “Have you asked for help?” I asked in a kind tone.  “Yes, 10 minutes ago” the woman replied rather grumpily.   I walked up to the Customer Service Desk, requested help.. they paged someone as I was walking back to the department.

About 5 minutes later we were still waiting for help.  I thought to myself, hmmm I wonder if I could figure out how to page!  (Now mind you, if you have ever walked the difficult road of grief you know you are not in your right mind!).  I walked behind the counter and found a sign beside the phone “To Page press #1″, which I did.  “Customer Service in Fabrics Please, Thank you!”.   As I walked back to the front of the counter I saw the grumpy woman shake her head in disgust and her young daughters jaw hit her chest as she smiled at me. 

10 minutes later, still no help.  I went behind the counter again, picked up the red phone and started to page… as I was doing this Jim came around the corner with a full cart.  One thing I loved and miss about Jim was when he saw me he always smiled brightly, I felt like the most important person in the world.  Now as a beautiful redhead he would turn red from head to toe at times too….  As he came around the corner pushing the cart he smiles that big old welcoming smile, then his face turns to confusion as he sees the red phone up against my ear, and me BEHIND the counter, then his face flips over to pure horror as he connects the voice he is hearing over the intercom to his fiancee that he is looking at… “There have been customers waiting in fabrics for over 15 minutes now, could we get some help here please???” 

Now red from head to toe, and actually picking up speed, he whizzes by me with the cart and utters “You need a wheel barrel for the set of balls you are carrying girl!” and kept on going up front where he quickly paid for product and left the store, not wanting anyone to know he was with me… (I’m laughing as I’m writing this).  I in the meantime went back to the front of the counter waiting for service.  This girl, probably 17 or 18 shows up, I pointed to the woman beside me “She was here first”.  She was chopping her fabric to shreds, literally.  I was thinking about saying something but thought, nah, this woman needs to learn to speak up for herself, but if she does this to mine, that’s another story.  Then she looks at me with the look that can only be described as “Carrie” and said “Did you do that?”  I looked innocently at her and said “Did I do WHAT?”  “Did you Page?”  I said “Why yes, I did!”.  “You AREN’T supposed to do that!” she said in a rather harsh and scolding tone.   Without hesitation I said “Who are you going to call, the Paging Police?”.

With that the sweetest Southern Belle came down and apologized for my having to wait for service, measured out 3 extra yards of batting for me, and I was on my merry way.  When I got out into the car Jim was fit to be tied.  He said “Donna, I can’t believe you did that!”  We had been together for 7.5 years, this made me laugh… to the point where I was laughing so hard I was in a belly roll, now at risk of wetting my pants.  This was the first time in weeks that I had laughed, and the first time IN MY LIFE that I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of my actions.   It was so healing.  I was laughing so hard I was crying, in a scary insane manner lol.  The more I thought about what I did, the disgusted look on the face of the clerk, and how I DID NOT CARE…. I would laugh harder.  It was so FREEING!   Have you ever experienced this?  That freedom?

We had to stop at my brothers house on the way home because I needed to use his bathroom…as I ran into the bathroom I could hear Jim telling my brother “You will not believe what your sister did!”… My brother was disgusted with me too.  He said “If you were my wife I would have hit you!”… That made me laugh all the more….  (My brother is a very passive person).

So for days I laughed over this incident and for months Jim refused to go into Walmart with me, but the thing was… All I wanted was service!

E is for expectations

I just poured myself a glass of wine.  I’m trying to compartmentalize my day into one small box that I can store away and yet there is one word that keeps popping up and will not fit… So I have decided to simply break it down…

I have spent a couple of decades of my life in 12 step programs like AlAnon looking within.  Looking at my expectations of others, are they too high?  too low?  What are my expectations of myself?  Always being told that my expectations of self were far too high and were the very cause of a lot of stress in my life…. sighs… I digress.

The past couple of days I spent on Cape Cod with a friend.  I had a wonderful time.  He was a very accomodating and generous host, wanting me to see as much as I wanted, to be as busy as I wanted (or not wanted) to be, but most importantly to dump the stresses that I have been carrying around the past few weeks in my head.   It worked 95% of the time.  It really did.  I let my hair down, I laughed, sang, swam, was almost taken out in the powerful undertow lol, fished, ate very well, and unbelievable to me… my second night there I slept the entire night only waking up twice.  That is unheard of for me.  I want to go back! lol

On my way home (which was a day earlier than planned) I hit a point of anger with myself because I realized I had succumbed to the family disease of worry…  Now, I take claim full ownership of my decision to leave and flee the likes of “Earl”… but what has become clear to me is that I have never really looked at how I have allowed my families expectations of me or the family disease of “worry” to take charge.   I say this not with any vain or lack of love, quite the contrary, but a deeper understanding that once again, my SELF expectations to please those I love (family) have come in between “to thine own self be true”…. therefore… it needs to be addressed.

For every finger you point there is three pointing back at yourself!

Father Christmas

Okay Okay….. I’m changing his face a bit so the guy is actually smiling!!! lol.  He’ll have a smile on his face before the seminar!   grins

Father Christmas – Seminar Piece

This is the piece that I will be teaching at JB Wood Products in Attleboro, MA on Satuday, November 6th.

Call 508-226-3217 for details.   “Father Christmas”……

Trapped Chilean Miners…..A story of HOPE

This picture caught my attention yesterday.   This is one of the 33 miners who have been trapped underground in a copper and gold mine in San Jose, Chile for 17 days.   Can you imagine being the loved one of this man?  His wife, daughter, sister, mother, father, friend and seeing this picture?  Chance of survival for this amount of time is very unusual.   Can we possibly fathom what our reaction would be?  I doubt it.  Here is confirmation that he is alive and well.  A picture depicting answered prayers….  HOPE! 

I love stories like this, not of the tragedy itself, but of poignant beautiful moments where hope unfolds right before our eyes.  Recalling a time when all eyes of our Nation were on the rescue of a little girl named Jessica who was trapped in a well.   Now with the internet, advanced media/technology we can watch live from all over the world.  Stories that display how incredibly strong and fascinating the human spirit can be.   Great stories of humanity itself.   People reaching out their hands, their hearts, their resources,  offering prayers, sharing faith, hope, love for others whom they do not even know.

The first film clip of the 33 trapped miners revealed humor, patriotism, joy, camaraderie.  Most articles I have read speak of the concern and treatment plan for the psychological factors that this will obviously impact.   How to keep up their morale, their sanity, their mental health and stability, as it may be as much as four months until they will see light and emerge from the darkness of this hell hole.  “In a demonstration of stoicism and defiance in the face of extreme hardship and peril, the trapped miners fervently sang Chile’s national anthem after communications were established between their shelter and rescuers above.”

This is not only a story of hope and faith, but can be a wonderful reminder to us on so many levels.  The old saying ” It is always darkest before the dawn.”  Echoing the words of Winston Churchill “Never, Never, Neve,r Never Give Up!”   If you are bogged down and not enjoying your life or appreciating your life, look at your problems… how does this compare?   It can serve to puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?  If you’ve given up on hope or faith, stories like this can renew that if you are open to it.   Don’t sweat the small stuff…. be grateful for where you are and what you have.   Kinda makes my problems “luxury problems”. 

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129364714&ft=1&f=1001

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/americas/Trapped-Chilean-Miners-Face-Psychological-Physical-Challenges-101573353.html

A change of pace….Newsworthy Opinions……

Afraid to do so in past, I have decided to share my opinions on various happenings in the world…hence getting the focus off my own life, becoming more of a participant in the world around me. When I was away one weekend my girlfriends hung a sign that read  ”Everyone is entitled to my opinion”.  Apparently I’m not so shy to express myself around those I love and feel safe around, so let’s see how this new endeavor goes.  Of course I will give updates on my life, but this is growth for me.

A new door opens….

As he was removing my old front door I couldn’t bear to look.  This door which was believed to have been 60+ years old had not locked in over 15 years, was not able to be fully shut in 6, had broken glass and on two occasions had been clamped and glued together.  It had certainly seen better days.  But I, like the majority of others, am a creature of habit… I resist change.     I was told I would also be losing the relatively new storm door that I had put on…  Think positive Donna, think positive… “I’m positive that I don’t like this!” lol

For the first time in the 22 years of my living here the front of the house was wide open for hours.   It was actually quite amazing.   It was as if stagnant or old energy left and new healing air filled my humble abode.  I could feel it as it was happening!   If there were a visual description it would be the departing of ghosts, debris, things no longer useful or healthy.  This lasted for almost 4 hours.

The new door was temporarily set into place,  plastic was stapled around the wide openings, the workers left for the night.  I stood alone looking at the door.    It had two holes, one for the doorknob and one for a deadbolt.. Imagine TWO locks!   I chuckled.

Yesterday they completed the installation, locks were placed and they handed me the keys.  I honestly felt like I had just been handed the keys to a brand new home.   Flashbacks to 22+ years ago when we signed the papers and were handed the key, the one old key that was soon lost to the old front door.   So much has transpired since then.  That was so long ago, what seems to be another lifetime ago.   I am now sole owner of this property, this is now my home.  The day I bought out my ex husband and bought this house was one of the proudest days of my life. 

It has been a long winding road to get to where I am today, and ironically I am not really clear where I am!    What I do know is, when that old front door came off my house, new healthy energy entered.   This new door, the locks, being handed those shiny new keys…. metaphorically speaking, it is a change of life for me.  This is a new beginning. 

I ask myself, “What color will I paint my new door?”   I will have to ponder that.   Now as I am painting in the room where this door is situated, I look over my shoulder at it and smile…  “Thank you for being the protector of my space, my possessions,of me… for locking the good energy in, and for the stately manner that you just ‘fit’.  Welcome to my world!”

Blue skies smiling at me!

Crisp fall air, blue skies… soon we will be hearing the Canada geese honking, letting us know that Fall is over.  Where did summer go?  It’s time to put away the yellow polka dot bikinis, the sundresses (I wear shorts through mid October… being the rebel that I am!)

As summer draws to a close we enter my favorite season, Fall.  So vivid the colors of the foliage, the mums, pumpkins… combined with the aesthetics of the coolness on your skin, the weight of the clothes… I’m smiling.  This is as far into tomorrow as I will go.

Crisp fall air, blue skies…. soon we will be hearing the canada geese honking….

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  • This blog is a mix of my creative thoughts, processes, and artistic experiences. Alongside of this I am sharing my experience, strengths, hopes on my journey through breast cancer and reconstruction and the sadder parts of my life… loss. Filled with humor, hope, and whatever other ingredient I throw in for taste!